Bringing disabled women together, mobilising
and sharing through lived experiences

We are excited to announce we are starting a independent living project – on what it means to disabled women – with thanks to the Smallwood Trust and the National Lottery Community Fund

From January to March 2021, we will be focusing on asking disabled women on how they regard independent living, how they access it to help them achieve resilience through the pandemic and beyond. Are there solutions – how do we connect with each other for peer support and influence policy in bringing our voices together and forging a different future for ourselves.

We will have a webinar and focus groups using online platforms while there are constraints of COVID19 and using other accessible means of communication. We hope to have videos and will explore possibilities together.

Alice Armstrong (coordinator) and msunnia (researcher) will be working with us on this project.

Please do take part in this project as independent living is important to all of us as disabled women, whatever our impairment.

Email for questions on this project hello@sisofrida.org,
twitter @sisofrida

I’m hungry but I don’t want food. I’ve picked my favourite thing and it tastes bad. You’ve just asked me what I want and I’ve stared at you saying nothing for an awkwardly long time. Someone’s having a party and I’m looking at the menu online before I say yes, I’ll be there.

These are the things that happen when you and food are not always friends. If reading about my experiences may be triggering, feel free skip to the end where I’ve listed things that I’ve found helpful.

One of my earliest memories is discovering that yummy-looking food had medication hidden in it and tasted nasty. Another was being punished for not eating something I now know I’m intolerant to and causes me pain.

With support from friends – patient, understanding, supportive friends – I now eat a much wider variety of foods. I try new things more often than saying no, though I’m still quite particular. I think about my nutritional needs and respond to them as best I can, and accept when I can’t. I ask for more.

In my mid-teens, I weighed about 12kg. I’d been this weight since starting primary school. Every year, I’d be weighed, and see a consultant for my main condition, and a dietician. My weight would be noted, my food-related health issues would be noted, I’d be told to eat more and drink supplements, and then be sent away for another year. This went on for some time, until I switched to adult services which didn’t include a dietician.

I drank the shakes, sometimes, but that was it. I’d occasionally, very occasionally, try something new, but only if I fully had figured out what it was made of and what it looked like and what it smelled like and what the texture would be and if there would be consequences to me not liking it.

I’d hide food, throw away food, give away food, and lie about how much I’d eaten and drank. I’d try to make my leftovers look like less, try to eat the minimum amount I could get away with (but often couldn’t manage that). Of course, I was being “fussy” and “stubborn”; wilfully misbehaving for no reason, apparently.

In secondary school, I would say I had a headache, or backache, and be allowed to go and rest instead of attending biology lessons on nutrition and digestion. Yes, the A* student got away with skiving, as I’d read and could recite the textbook anyway. I didn’t want to compare again how my body didn’t work with how it should work, or what I ate with what I should eat. Certainly not in front of my friends and the whole class. It was my fault that I wasn’t good enough (or so I had been told), and I was too ashamed to confirm that again in my science book.

A very helpful community nurse took an interest once, and got me to write a food diary. She then pointed out that I wasn’t eating enough, drinking enough, or eating the right foods. As if I didn’t already know that. She pleaded with me to make changes, pointing out how much better things would be if I would only do as I was told. I felt even more ashamed, and nothing changed.

Nowadays, I’ve read that avoidant behaviour can be considered an eating disorder, particularly if there are impacts on a person’s health. People are meant to get supported, not shamed (though I’m sure that how things are supposed to go may not match up with everyone’s experience). The reasons behind a person’s choices are listened to and explored.

When I read this for the first time (thank you disability twitter), my brain exploded with “Why? Why did no one check if I had intolerances or sensory needs? Why did no one try to support me? Why did no one care enough to talk to me, really talk to me? Why did no one tell me it’s OK to not like things?”

I have my own answers to these questions, as right or wrong as they may be. Having one set of medical needs was complicated enough; why would anyone go looking for more? I was an embarrassment by not eating at social gatherings; why would what was considered bad behaviour be rewarded with attention in that decade? Kids with eating disorders were thought to look or behave a certain way; why would someone who doesn’t fit that pattern count?

And of course, there’s the usual answer: Disabled kids are too different. Mainstream services don’t cater well for disabled children and young people; specialist services focus solely on their specialism. People fall through the gaps.

I hope this has changed in the last decade and a half. I have.

My weight is low but stable. My body is an entirely different shape, having completed puberty 10 years late. My health is more reliable: I usually now don’t get constipated or feel sick or struggle to breathe through my nose. During childhood, this was my normal.

The only times I’ve got really ill as an adult are when my weight has dropped due to stress making me go back to old eating patterns. I’m more careful now with my stress levels, and have high-calorie low-effort foods ready and waiting.

I try new things all the time now. I make a point of it, a great big “F*** you” to the people who gave up on me food-wise. Sometimes it goes well, and I’ll be hooked from the first taste. Occasionally, it goes badly, and I’ll have a 2-hour panic attack after a single sniff.

There are 2 reasons for this great change:

1. Independent Living. I’ve been living independently with 24/7 support for years now. I am in charge in my own kitchen; I’m in charge of my own shopping. If I want to try something, I can cook it exactly how I think I might like it, knowing that the worst thing that can happen is that I order pizza instead. If I want to eat at an unusual time, I can. If I want to change what I’m having last minute, I can. If I waste food because I’ve over-estimated my appetite, it’s my money and no one else’s that’s been wasted, and I can learn to cook things that reheat well the next day or freeze well. If I have a sudden craving and no energy left to make it happen, Deliveroo will bring ready to eat goodness (I don’t like the gig economy, but in a “I feel a bit faint” situation, it solves a problem). In places where others control the menu, I don’t do well, and usually eat out or order in. At home, there’s no pressure, no consequences, no drama. I’m free to do what I like, whether that’s eat toast for lunch every day or spend an hour batch-cooking a masterpiece.

2. Friends. Great people who know that face that means “I don’t want to but don’t want to disappoint you” or “Give me time, I’m trying to figure out if I’ll like that” or “Yes, but not today” and know supportive responses and accept that. Great people who will trade a bit of their food for a bit of mine, and make it a 2-way thing between equals instead of a dominance/submission thing. Great people who will sit by me whether I greedily destroy the lot without sharing or take one look and metaphorically run away. Great people who will share recipes and think things through with me and suggest ideas, not make demands. Great people who won’t talk about stressful topics before or during meals, or point out how unappetising something looks, instead building a happy and safe atmosphere. Great people who ask “You want some?” only once and listen to and respect my answer, and don’t ask “Are you sure? No? Really? What about some of this? Or this? Or this?” until you give in and eat something you didn’t want. Great people who won’t stare at me to check if I like it, or look at my full finished plate and sigh frustratedly, but will stay on the main topic of conversation and understand my body doesn’t always give me a choice, and that my likes and dislikes aren’t always predictable. Great people who won’t buy food as a gift and create an obligation, but will join me to celebrate at a favourite restaurant and create a good memory. These are the people who have got me to where I am.

Things I have found helpful that may be useful to others, and would tell my younger self:

– Find out if you have any intolerances. Cutting stuff out without medical supervision can be dangerous, so seek support that will listen to your experiences and ideas.

– Learn what your body needs. If you already have a medical condition that affects how your body works, chances are that your nutritional requirements might be different to the recommended averages. If you can, find out safe maximum/minimum values for different nutrients and water. It’s easier to check against a known target than an unachievable “more” and “better”.

– Get good at cooking the things you already like. Have fun with it. Make the best ever version of it.

– Branch out from where you’re comfortable. You don’t have to try something completely different if you think it’s going to go badly. Go with something similar to something you already like.

– Grow stuff to cook. It tastes completely different. I find a lot of supermarket vegetables are full of excess water and sugar, and the fruits are pretty flavourless. I grow and prep and freeze and have food that actually tastes like food available for as much of the year as I can. Farmers’ markets and farm shops can also be pretty good, though some charge more.

– Go to a restaurant with friends and all order a different starter and a side each to share. This way, you have access to new food, prepared for you, but also a selection of reliable favourites with no obligation to try or not try. You can do the same with puddings too.

– Batch cook and freeze. This reduces the effort of preparing food when you’re just too tired.

– Keep standby snacks and shakes. Have options around that aren’t proper meals and aren’t nothing. There may always be days where you look in the fridge and go “nope”, and so I find having reliable not-quite-but-it’ll-do choices available can minimise the impact on health whilst taking the pressure of completely failing away.

– Say no. You don’t have to try anything at any time that you don’t want to. You don’t have to continuously challenge yourself. You don’t have to be perfect every day of every week. You don’t have to change unless you choose to, in your own way in your own time, without being driven by pressure from others. You don’t have to live up to someone else’s unrealistic expectations of how to take care of your health. Figure out what’s important to you right now and how you want to do that. You can be “weird” and “picky” and “boring” as much as you want.

– Relax. The people who best support me to eat new things are the people I can relax around. Put on your favourite music or a good film, grab a comfy cushion or a blanket. Make sharing food part of evening of pampering or games and laughter. Zero stress environments are the most successful for me.

– Talk to people you trust. Some of them may have similar experiences or positive attitudes, and I value their support. This blog was sparked by someone I mentioned all this to in a chat who instantly framed it as “unmet access needs” and I swear I nearly hugged my laptop.

From a contributor who prefers to remain anonymous

Some Sisters of Frida went to ENIL 2017 Freedom Drive,  which brought together 300 Independent Living activists from 19 countries in Brussels.

Zara Todd, Lani Parker, Michelle Daley and Eleanor Lisney, and Rachel O’Brien (photo by Mladen Spremo)

It brought an an end to a week of promoting independent living, peer support, protest and celebration of disability rights. The Freedom Drive has brought together around 300 independent living activists from 19 countries, from as far East as Albania, to Norway in the North.

Among the main Freedom Drive demands were the end to institutionalisation of disabled people across Europe, access to personal assistance in all countries, full implementation of the UN Convention on the Rights of Persons with Disabilities and the end to cuts to support services and benefits for disabled people.

Lani Parker and Michelle Daley said:

We also met some MEPs, Anthea McIntyre MEP, Keith Taylor MEP, Molly Scott-Cato MEP, Wajid Khan MEP, and Daniel Dalton MEP, among others to ask them questions on independent living, accessibility, inclusive education, disability rights after Brexit, freedom of labour as part of the EU among other issues.

with Wajid Khan MEP (Labour), Rebecca Farren, Lani Parker, Tara Flood and Michelle Daley (photo by Katai)

Tweet from Molly Scott Cato MEP with Michelle Daley, (Green Party) Keith Taylor MEP, Molly Scott Cato MEP, Tara Flood and Lani Parker

​

The night before the march we met up with other British attendees for dinner, including Sarah Rennie (Sisters of Frida, Steering Group member) , who had to leave before the march.

dinner with other British attendees of Freedom Drive (photo by Debbie)

dinner with other British attendees of Freedom Drive (2nd table) (photo by Debbie)

We were outside the European Parliament the next day to join the other ENIL Freedom marchers on the streets of Brussels.

Michelle Daley leading some of the way. (photo by Katai)

Thank you all for all who came with us. Thank you for ENIL to organising this and we wish Zara Todd, as incoming director, the best for the future.

More photos at Sisters of Frida Flickr account.

Sophie being photographed, part of the video shoot for Women Speak Out!

Sophie Partridge

Sophie Partridge left us last Monday – June 5th – it was unexpected and a shock to many of us who know her as friend, colleague, writer, performer and campaigner. In the video for Women Speak out, (as part of Sisters of Frida’s contribution to the Women Resource Centre’s ‘stories about everyday inequality’), she said she was a creative practitioner and she worked in the arts and that kind of ‘arty farty things’. But anyone who knows her know that she was being very unassuming there because she had achieved much in her career. Not to mention her campaign work for the Independent Living Fund before it closed.

Meeting with Alexia Manombe-Ncube, Deputy Minister of Disability Affairs, from Namibia

She was also one of Sisters of Frida’s Steering Group members. We will never forget how she was willing to pitch in and do whatever she can to help – even to the extent of hosting a steering group committee meeting in her home. She took part in the Disabled Women’s Voices from the Frontline reading her poem on London (with Penny Pepper) and brought her mother with her because she was also due for a family event that day.

She shared her interests with intersectional issues with us by active participation in various events on gender, disability and sexuality, meeting with Lydia X.Z. Brown who came for the Women in the World Festival. She met with Alexia Manombe-Ncube Deputy Minister of Disability Affairs from Namibia, to talk about Independent Living in the UK and discuss best practice to follow.

Sophie was smart, articulate  and  superb at engaging and connecting with people from across differnt backgrounds. She contributed hugely to the work of Sisters of Frida and the Independent Living movement. Her legacy will be that she will continue to shape and influence the work of Sisters of Frida. Our condolences to her family and friends.

Some tributes from Sisters of Frida:

Michelle Daley

​”Sophie was a true campaigner and advocate for equality issues for Disabled People. She had a huge character which was well loved. She was one of the few campaigners that spoke out about intersectionality and it’s the relevance to disabled women particularly around the issues to achieve independent living. Her dedication and commitment to the work of Sisters of Frida will be missed.”

“So so sad to lose a amazing amazing talented funny caring and passionate colleague and someone I was just getting to know as a friend.”

some of the AGM2017 attendees

Some links about /or showing Sophie’s work/s

The Stage – Actor and disability campaigner Sophie Partridge dies 

Graeae In memory of Sophie Partridge

London, my London

Sophie Partridge – Shape Creatives: a film by David Hevey

Writer and performer Sophie Partridge on the closure of the Independent Living Fund

Sophie Partridge tells a story

——

written by Sisters of Frida team

When we were in NYC at the UNCSW in March earlier this year, we met Hon. Alexia Manombe-Ncube, Deputy Minister: Disability Affairs in the Republic of Namibia. She kindly agreed to be on the panel for our side event.

She said she would like to visit the UK to get some benchmarking ideas about independent living – we gave her some contacts including Inclusion London and European Network of Independent Living (ENIL) and arranged for her to visit a local Disabled People Organisation in Greenwich (GAD) and she also met with Sisters of Frida : Eleanor Lisney, Sophie Partridge, and Michelle Daley. Michelle Baharier (who was also at NYC for our panel) was able to join us later.

It was great to meet the group of people who came with her too in August and we hope they found the visit a useful one.

Sisters of Frida, Sophie and Eleanor, and Michelle Daley  joining on mobile phone, with the Hon. Alexia Manombe-Ncube and her colleagues

At the Greenwich Association of Disabled People (GAD)

Many thanks to Freyja Haraldsdóttir for allowing us to reblog this post. We met her in Leeds at the Screening AccSex meeting at the Center for Disability Studies, Leed Iniversity. So many of us could respond to the feelings she expresses here – 

I am tired of often needing to value other people’s needs more than my own.

I am tired of being anxious about small events because of the fear of being marginalized and silenced.

I am tired of people over and over again assuming my opinions on sexism and ableism are just an emotional reaction instead of opinions based on diverse knowledge and deep experience of both.

I am tired of feeling like a bad feminist when I can’t show matters of privileged women support who don’t acknowledge or understand my reality.

I am tired of people finding it okay when Hollywood presents disabled people better of dead.

I am tired of everyone but myself having more authority to decide on my abilities and strength.

I tired of my body being objectified as desexualized, weak and emotionless.

I am tired of people I love excusing ableist people.

I am tired of needing to pick out a president candidate or other people for powerful positions who I don’t identify with and will therefore have big problems understanding my reality.

I am tired of ableism being normalized on a higher level in my country then sexism and racism (not that that isn’t normalized enough).

I am tired of people not understanding multiple oppression and that I can not pick out identities like clothes to wear everyday. I am always both a woman and disabled. Not either or.

I am tired of not being able to trust that my independence is longterm because in Iceland personal assistance is still a trial project. My freedom is on trial.

I am tired of being afraid of sharing what I find hard because then I automatically become victimized.

I am tired of sometimes not being able to sleep from worries about the influence of marginalization on my future.

I am tired of people constantly asking ‘how is it going?’ in stead of ‘how are you feeling?’.

I am tired of not being allowed to be angry because it makes others uncomfortable.

I am tired of not being allowed to show difficult emotions without being stigmatized as negative and unhappy when I am most definitely not.

I am tired of not having space to talk about physical pain without my life being stigmatized as not worth living.

I am tired of many people not caring about everything mentioned above.

I am tired of not being allowed to be tired.

I am tired of being tired of being tired.

I am so tired.

At Center of Disability Studies, Leeds University, with Freyja in front. Also in the photo on far right, Anna Lawson, Sarah Woodin next to Armineh Soorenian, Embla Guðrúnar Ágústsdóttir, Kirsty Liddiard and Karin Hitselberger (in pink), Shweta Ghosh behind her and Eleanor Lisney holding banner

There is also this great speech she gave at 100 years of Women’s Civil Rights. International Conference Celebrating the Centenary of Women’s Suffrage in Iceland, October 22.-23. 2015. (speech transcript)

5th of May is independent living day. We celebrate with European Network on Independent Living (ENIL) . Some people would say to celebrate is difficult when we consider all the savage cuts, the decimation of services in the name of austerity and the closure of the Independent Living Fund here in the UK. But let’s celebrate because we continue to advocate for independent living as a right, Article 19 of the UN Convention of People with  Disabilities (CRPD) here and with disabled people in the rest of Europe. And as disabled women.

Poppy Hasted has kindly agreed to let us reblog her, what she calls ‘adulting’ , we would say independent living and we share her enthusiasm for it.

Long Live Adulting….

I had such a lovely time last week. I got to be a grown-up, which doesn’t happen very often, and it was so wonderful!

Confused? Let me explain.

As a severely disabled person there are many things I cannot do for myself. I can’t walk. I can’t get dressed by myself. I can’t wash myself. I can’t make a meal. I can’t even make myself a cup of tea if I want one. I have to rely on someone else to do everything for me.

Now, before my medical condition deteriorated slowly and inexorably in 2014, I was perfectly capable of doing all that needed to be done either on my own or, if necessary, with the assistance of my, now adult, children. I went out to work full-time during the week, looked after my own family, visited friends in the evening, was a lady who lunched at the weekend, attended social events as and when I wanted to, did my own shopping, stayed up late if I felt like it, had a lie-in at the weekend and got to go away on short breaks if I fancied it. In other words, I had a lifestyle that was comparable with the lifestyles of my peers and the majority of the adult population of this country and most of the rest of the world. I was an adult who got to pick and choose what I wanted to do and I did adult things. In my family we call that adulting. I spent my life adulting.

Then I got sicker and things changed. The Multiple Sclerosis which has been part of my life for the past thirty years decided it was going to throw a spanner in the works and deteriorate. I wound up in hospital and, although I am a lot better than I was, things have had to change. For the last eighteen months, this has meant that I have had to have carers, or, as many disabled people prefer to call them, Personal Assistants. PAs. PAs coming into my home to attend to just about everything I need, every single day. Quite hard to come to terms with for an independent woman such as myself but I don’t have an option. It is either PAs in my own house or live in residential accommodation away from my family with no independence whatsoever. No choice really, so PAs it has to be.

And that’s the issue. For most of those eighteen months my PAs have come through an agency, paid for by Social Services. I have had little or no control over the care that I receive. I have not been able to say what I wanted done, when I wanted it done or how I wanted it done. I have had no choice at all. My ‘ladies’, as we call them, show up every morning at 9am to wash me and get me ready for the day, make me breakfast and do a small amount of simple housework if they have the time. I have two ladies, for forty-five minutes each, to do everything. At lunchtime I get thirty minutes care from two more ladies when they make me something to eat and get me another cuppa and then, in the evening, another two ladies come at the horrifyingly late hour of 7pm, for forty five minutes each, to get me ready for the night and, if my children are out, warm up a ready meal for my supper. And that, until recently, was it. With a little careful negotiation I was able to make bedtime as late as, shock, horror, 8.30pm but only once a month, if I was lucky, as a special treat. Then about two months ago, I managed to get onto something called Direct Payments whereby Social Services give the money they are prepared to spend on my care package to me and I get to employ my own PAs to come when I want, and do what I want, and everything I feel is necessary, at a time that suits me.

And I am loving it!

I have got my life back! I get to choose who comes, when they come and what they do when they are here. I don’t get to choose how long they are here for, Social Services still dictate how much time I get, but not when that time has to be. And this means that, if I want to stay out past around six-thirty in the evening, I can!

So, last Thursday, I did! I went out with some friends, to the pub, for food, alcohol, conversation and fun and I didn’t have to get home for my evening care visit until the startlingly late hour, for me anyway, of ten-thirty. No watch-checking, no worrying, no rushing, no leaving the party long before the end, no having to act like a small child or a teenager with a curfew. I got to do some adulting again and I loved it. I have not enjoyed myself quite so much in a very long time.

And, now that I have discovered that life can be fun again, I want more. Adulting, in future, will have to have a much greater role in my life. I already have my next night out planned and I’ve only got a couple of weeks to go. After eighteen months of being treated like a very small child I can wait. But not for long.

Life is for living and I want to do some more.

Long live adulting.

Poppy Hasted

Photo from her website

Presented at the ‘Let’s Get Personal’ Conference on Self-Directed Support and BME Communities in Edinburgh

on  Wednesday, 14th May 2014

Michelle Daley

Thank you for inviting me to speak at your ‘Let’s Get Personal Conference’. When I received the information and I read the title ‘Let’s Get Personal’ I said wow! How much information should I share because it could get REALLY personal! On a serious note in many ways the title is very pertinent and relevant to the whole issue around social care and continuing health in that the endless list of questions that need to be answered in order to satisfy rigid criteria’s, which are not geared at promoting or achieving real independent living.

The purpose of this presentation is to share with you my lived experience as a Black Disabled Woman using Self Directed Support. As my experience pertains to race, disability and gender identity the focus will look at my personal challenges in achieving real independent living from a personal and professional perspective.

We have seen throughout history, how both Black and White Disabled People have challenged (and even died in the struggle) against unfair treatment. It is because of the endless advocacy and campaigning that I can be here on the podium having this discussion with you today. Many years ago I would have been locked away in an institution with no rights and remained there until my days were over. I am very thankful for the progress made which I am fortunate to enjoy today, however, I continue to be reminded by the horrible stories reported globally in the media, that we still have much work to do to help the many Disabled People whose voices continue to go unheard.

Before I continue with my presentation, it is important that I define ‘Black Disabled People’. I am describing people from African, Caribbean and some Asian descent. With this in mind, I would like to set the scene by raising a few questions for you to consider such as:

– Do you think Black Disabled People have a different understanding of ‘Independent Living’?
– In what way can service provisions and the like address oppressive practices if we [Black Disabled People] are absent from the political debates?
– Do you think that Black Disabled People receive a better, worse or the same quality of social care service in comparison to their white counterparts?

I will attempt to address these questions throughout my presentation.

The issue of independent living continues to remain a problem for many Disabled People but if it is an issue for White Disabled People often it will be even more problematic for Black Disabled People.

One of the views I often hear is that Black Disabled People have a different understanding of ‘independent living’. This is a myth and I disagree with this view. This is because social-economic factors can affect how Black and White Disabled People achieve Independent Living and there will be a distinction between the experiences, attitudes and beliefs of people coming from different parts of the world. People coming from Developing Countries are less likely to be exposed to state involvement and structures. They are more likely to rely on natural support from family members and their social networks and their financial circumstances may mean that they are less likely to have access to good equipment, assistive technology and support systems.
I will refer to my post graduate dissertation where I looked at the experience of independent living between the North and South globally. My study found that there was “no fundamental difference in the way disabled people globally understood the concept of Independent Living and that it was consistent with the notions of the Independent Living Movement” (Daley, 2009, p.69). The difference I found was related to “the way Independent Living was achieved”. Some of the respondents from developing countries expressed concerns that the support which was offered to disabled people was “usually ineffective” (p.64). This implies that some of the success to Disabled People achieving Independent Living is “dependent on the role played by the Government in improving the life chances of disabled people” (Daley, 2009, p.69).

I will again refer to my dissertation from a comment made by a Jamaican respondent which shows that there is no difference in the understanding of Independent Living globally. They said:

“Independent Living to me means to be responsible for my own existence. I work, I earn my own money, I live where I want to, I eat when I want to. I have the family I want. I determine whether I have a family and stuff like that”

(Daley, 2009, p. 40).

In another example, when I travelled to Jamaica in December 2013 to visit my mother. On one of the many excursions during my trip I was directing a taxi driver on how to get to Kingston and the driver replied by saying “you know that you could be a tour guide”. I then thought, let me test his thinking… so I replied by saying “how because I cannot drive and I’d need too much physical help”. He replied by saying “why not? You could give the directions as you are doing now and someone would drive the car. Is that not what we are doing now?”. Here the thinking was consistent with Independent Living Movement principles and being self reliant. It showed how through my (and other Disabled People’s) participation in ordinary life can change attitudes about Disabled People in general.

Therefore, I do think it is dangerous to assume that Black Disabled People are not ‘clued-up’ on disability issues. Black Disabled People in the same way as White Disabled People want a chance to have access to services, be in control of their support and able to live an ordinary life.

Following on from this point I feel that Social Services and many of the services that support Disabled People are failing Black Disabled People because of the limited knowledge and understanding about our experiences.

One of the causes of this could be due to our absence from Disabled People Movement debates and other debates, which in turn does not help to address misconceptions and myths held about Black Disabled People. In the book Reflections’ written by Nasa Begum, Midrette Hill and Andy Stevens (1994) they elaborate further by looking at cause and effect. They are of the view that as Black Disabled People their experience:

“is at best mystified, at worst it is ignored as irrelevant rhetoric…Black Disabled People are perceived as being part of a problem which can only be resolved by empowered others” (1994, p.41).

I know that there have been various discussions about these issues raised above. One of the suggestions proposed is whether there is a need for a ‘Black Disabled Peoples’ Movement’? This is also something that Midrette Hill (Nasa Begum et al, 1994) has strong views on which she comments about the failures within the Disabled Peoples Movement to fully embrace Black Disabled People’s experience. What we learn from Mildrea Hill (Nasa Begum et al, 1994). It is necessary that Black Disabled People align themselves to people that share their experiences, who want more out of their lives, not happy with living life just as it is. Who recognise that if change is going to happen, then it is up to us, to demand our involvement within the debates, in order to address institutional racism and other forms of oppression.

I also feel there is a need for better advocacy support for both Black and White Disabled People, to create positive images of Black Disabled People (including Women), to increase the representation of Black Disabled People across the workforce but also to support Black Disabled People to become conscious about political issues affecting Black Disabled People. My colleague Jas Johal – Direct Payments Manager said

“I do not think that any of these schemes [Direct Payments] have knowledge around these issues, at the same time I do not think there is a need for separate schemes, but there is a need for dedicated workers.”

I know that many of the Disabled Peoples’ organisations do not have the skills to adequately support most Black Disabled People and often this amounts to discrimination. There is a growing need to address this issue and it is not as small as perceived.
Midrette Hill (Nasa Begum et al, 1994) also said there is a need for Black Disabled People to see the connection between race and disability. Well, that was me before I became involved in the Disabled Peoples Movement. I was disconnected from the experiences of Disabled People. I grew up with a non-disabled family and I had never met an adult Black Disabled Person as you can imagine it was very difficult for me to picture my life in any positive way.

It was a good friend of mine, Jaspal Dhani, who introduced me to the Disabled Peoples Movement. Jaspal Dhani had invited me out for a drink but little did I know that this meeting was to be one of the most significant moments in my life. At the time I had just finished university and was really struggling to find employment. The Disability Discrimination Act was not introduced as yet and companies were openly disabilist in their recruitment practices. There was no accessible transport, no Self Directed Support, no inclusive education, however, there were plenty day centres and other segregated provisions. Having just completed university I had dreams and I needed to work on them. There was no way I was going to waste myself in a segregated service. Jaspal Dhani informed me about the Social Model of Disability and informed me about the Disabled People’s Movement. I was so excited. I then became exposed to people who I would consider as prominent and influential Black Disabled People such as Dr Ossie Stuart, Saâdia Neilson and Nasa Begum. Sadly, Nasa Begum and Midrette Hill are no longer with us. It was through these encounters and reading their literature, I found comfort and it allowed me to better understand my experience as a Black Disabled Woman. One of the issues which I often struggled with was being made to feel I had to compromise my race, gender or impairment which suggested that these aspects of my identity are less important. I was not prepared to compartmentalise or prioritise certain aspects of my identity. It would imply that I do not acknowledge the different impacts of oppression – as I am a Black Disabled Woman!

There is also a need to explore the reason for the low take up of services by Black Disabled People. Often it is because the assessment process does not reflect their identity and diverse needs. In addressing this point I took the advantage of having a chat with an NHS Manager. They said “the questions are generally tailored for everyone…” A one size fits all approach, often not relevant and inappropriate. NHS Manager told me that “often you [assessor] would have to probe your client with supplementary questions and as an assessor you need to know how to ask the questions…” For me this showed the skills and ability of a good and committed assessor who supports and recognises the principles of Independent Living. In addition, it is also beneficial for the Disabled Person to have some knowledge about the different frameworks that they will be assessed on but for many Disabled People the information is often inaccessible to them.

I have seen that the attitudes and views of professionals can and do influence the way an assessment is conducted and the outcome being the services offered. I personally find the whole assessment process and questioning intrusive. You are made to feel worthless and a burden on the state. I also think Black Disabled People’s biggest fear is to be placed in a residential setting. These types of behaviours can act as a barrier which deters many Black People from accessing services, thus resulting in Black People approaching services at crisis point.

My experience echoes this point. In 2009 following surgery, my impairment had changed, my needs had hugely increased and I needed support to return home from hospital. I was told by the hospital Social Worker that my needs were too high for me to return home and they were looking to place me in a residential setting. I was not just dealing with recovering from major surgery. I was fighting to return home with support so I could continue to live my life as previously prior to my impairment changing. It was a difficult struggle. There were moments
when I would just stare at the ceiling, feeling out of control. After many hospital bedside meetings. I said – I am the author of my life. I was not going to let others determine and define my future. Even though the professionals had another view from me, but it was necessary for them to know that I would return home.

That experience was to be one of the worst moments in my life. I do not want to re-live. I felt powerless. I knew that my future was dependent on decisions made by professionals and all it took was at the stroke of a pen and an e-mail confirmation. I felt like I was going through a trial for a crime I had not committed. I was trying to fight my case, but with no advocate. I had to wait for the jury to conclude and I could only hope it was in my favour. I did return home, but I was to be assessed every two weeks for about 6 months. It was after about a year, that Social Services referred me to Continuing Health, so now my package, is a mixture of Social Services and Health.

In another one of my yearly Social Service Care reviews I was told by a Social Worker that “we cannot pay for you to dress like that – how long does it take to put those jeans on?”. This comment was insulting, offensive, highly rude and demeaning to me. I was being told that I should be denied the right to take pride in myself and not to have any choices pertaining to my life. I was not (and never will be) prepared to allow someone else’s opinion of me to become my reality.

With the austerity measures imposed by this Government, services have tightened their criteria, with many local authorities, health and other such services, making huge cuts to their budgets with Disabled People being the hardest hit. I have evidence to show how budgets are used as the focus for determining who is eligible for social care services. As Jas Johal says it is because the “senior managers’ main concerns are budgets and cutting services”. I have taken calls from Social Workers telling me that they have been told by their Manager to reduce costs of some clients care packages, but still expect the individuals to receive the same level of support. Most of the Direct Payments packages are inadequate and do not reflect the individual’s actual support needs.

While the essence of social care services is to provide extra help to children, families, disabled people, etc., it does not always appear to be attractive to everyone. Evidence has suggested that there is a low take up of services, particularly from Black People in general. In addition to the points, I raised it could also be due to:

– inaccessible information,
– services not of their interest,
– individuals made to fit into services agenda,
– services bureaucratic and regimented.

In many ways social care services approach reflects that of a Blueprint, a formalised plan which is used in International Development. A Blueprint is designed to stimulate development within developing countries. I think social care services and Blueprint share many values:

– bureaucratic and regimented,
– led by professionals,
– not participatory,
– views are inconsistent with receiver,
– difficult to make changes.

The whole thing about these systems is they do not want the receiver to be free and they continue to be dependent. I think Nelson Mandela articulates this point well. He says:

“… to be free is not merely to cast off one’s chains, but to live in a way the respects and enhances the freedom of others” (Mandela, 1994, p.544).

Because of the perceptions and these issues listed above, I believe that some Black People fears have been influenced from history where plans were used to exert power and gain dominance. For example transatlantic slave trade and British Raj and so on. In the ‘Autobiography of Miss Jane Pittman’ she talks about the struggle and challenges for Black African People when they were given their freedom in America. This moment was suppose to be about creating new beginnings and liberation for Black African People. Black African People did not have access to resources, employment or have any tools that would allow them to meet their basic needs. They were free in words, but were still at the mercy of their slave masters. Consistent with this point Harriet Tubman, who helped to free thousands of enslaved African People hasbeen noted as saying:
“I had crossed the line. I was free; but there was no one to welcome me to the land of freedom. I was a stranger in a strange land.” (BrainyQuote, n.d)
I know that this is how most Black People feel about their situation, but it also influences how they view services. I also know my mother and many of her friends would not approach social services even if they required extra help. They are too aware of the rhetoric of freedom and its constraints.

It was following the horrific killing of Stephen Lawrence the Macpherson Report, which proposed a number of recommendations to address institutional racism and helped to address other oppressive practices. However, there continues to be huge, disparity within the workforce, with most of the middle management and lower grades being dominated by Black workers. The top senior management position held by White workers who are most likely to have limited understanding about the experiences of Black Disabled People. I know this to be a concern for many professionals as the NHS Manager says “senior managers often do not have any awareness about what happens on the field.” So when an assessor presents their client’s case to their manager requesting support for extra time above the agreed hours for a Black Disabled Woman to maintain her hair and skin care this is likely to be rejected because of the Managers lack of understanding about Afro textured hair and skin sensitivity and the experience of dryness. Is its refusal related to racism, sexism or both? And / or is it budget driven?

One of the key facets linked to Disabled People achieving Independent Living is through the help of a Personal Assistant. I recognise the important role they have played in my life. I employ a team of 7 Personal Assistants most of them are Black Women and some are newcomers to England. I have asked them what attracted you to this industry? One of my PA’s said “England is very discriminatory. When we come to England our qualifications are not recognised here. This is the easiest way to get work.” Hearing this might not be comfortable, but it is the reality for many newcomers to England. As a qualified person with over ten years of work experience I would not appreciate the fact that my background and skills are not recognised and have no value.

Evidence has shown that most of the low paid jobs are dominated by Black workers. It would also not sit comfortable with me knowing that I am forced into an industry that is not recognised and has no value. I am fully aware of the issues working in the Social Care field. While there is a National Minimum Wage there is an exemption within the law which allows employers to pay Care Workers below the minimum wage. Many of these workers are often trapped in low paid jobs, do not get paid annual leave, no career development initiatives, no access to pension, no sick pay, no contract of employment and the list goes on. This is appalling treatment, abuse and exploitation of cheap labour and something that does not sit comfortably with me, especially knowing it mostly affects women and Black People.

Last year I attended a Personal Assistant training session, which was delivered by a well known insurance company providing cover for Direct Payments Users. I was not just shocked, but very worried when the trainer told the participants that casual / irregular workers (also referred to as zero hour contract workers) are not entitled to holiday pay. This is incorrect. I referred the trainer to guidance which states what workers are entitled to holiday pay. It is this type of information which does not help to promote good practices within the industry.

I also wanted to know why my Personal Assistants chose to work with me? A few of them had said to me that they wanted to see what it would be like working with a Black Disabled Woman. I have since asked them if the experience of working with me is different to that of a White Disabled Person? Those that have had previous experience of working as Personal Assistants said many of the practical tasks remain the same but there is a difference. They have said that I can relate to their experience of settlement, social networks, contact, belonging and treatment which are integral parts to a person settlement here in the UK (or wherever a person chooses to live). My personal experience and academic studies has taught me that when these issues are addressed people are more likely to feel a sense of belonging and less likely to feel unfairly treated. I think this knowledge has helped me to successfully employ a team of highly experienced and professional Personal Assistant’s for over four years. We have mutual respect, we have a clear understanding about our roles and they recognise their role in supporting me to achieve independent living. When I recruit a new Personal Assistant I make it clear, that they are not my slave, maid, child minder or carer. I explain to them that it is their role to facilitate my independence and that we are mutually dependent on each other. As my mother would often tell me as a child that “no one is an island”.

Despite many of the negative points pertaining to working in this industry as a Personal Assistant, all of my Personal Assistants have told me that the flexibility of the job has enabled them to continue their academic studies, pursue other career opportunities and it fits into their personal and family lifestyle.

I echo the Jamaican motto “Out of Many, One People” it signifies the unity of the different groups of people living on the island and this is how I see my independence. It is through the unity of the different people involved in supporting me that has enabled me to achieve my desired outcome whatever it might be. This is independent living just getting on with living.
I might not have control over the allocated Direct Payments budget, but I do have control in ensuring I promote good practice and that my Personal Assistants are fairly treated. It is important that I apply these practices as it means, that I can have a positive team, I can retain staff, my needs will be appropriately met thus I achieve independence.

I wanted to represent the idea and possibility that we Disabled People can have dreams and can achieve them. That I define my values and purpose and do not let others determine my existence and reality. It is because of the Independent Living Movement, which was spearheaded by Disabled People that made the way for me and others to be that idea and possibility of Independent Living.

I am grateful that I am living the idea and possibility of Independent Living. It is Self Directed Support which has enabled me to be here today. Self Directed Support has enabled me to work, has enabled me to maintain and pursue relationships with my friends and family. Self Directed Support means I can employ the people I want to work with me and I am in control of how my Personal Assistants help me. Simply Self Directed Support means I can just get on with living and doing ordinary things just like others.

To conclude, we must remember that for the Independent Living Movement to progress further, Black Disabled People must be involved and have real representation on the leadership team and the debates of its future.

I will always be committed to advocating for real Independent Living and for it to be recognised as a Universal Human Right.
Thank you!

Reference
BrainyQuote (n.d). Harriet Tubman Quotes. Accessed from: http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/h/harriet_tubman.html
Daley, M (2009). Voices of Disabled People: A comparative study to explore the North and South experiences of Independent Living. MSc. London: University of East London
Nasa Begum (Editor); Mildrette Hill (Editor) and Andy Stevens (Editor) (1994). Reflections: Views of black disabled people on their lives and community care. Central Council for Education and Training in Social Work, London
Mandela, N (1994). Long Walk to Freedom. Little Brown and Company (Canada) Limited, United States of America